update

SoOoO... its been a couple of days since i wrote i've been pretty busy planning a birthday party and my mom has moved in with us! (witch stresses me out because she freaks out about the kids!)

My anxiety WAS getting better and know it seems like im going back words!! i feel lost I didn't go to my dr last week but im going to go this Wednesday!

I really want to get over this on my own and help from my dr without any meds! but i feel like that may not me possible now i really dont want to take meds but i REALLY want to be normal again and get my life back im so confused and i dont know what to do about anything!! it is putting pressure on my marriage...........I thought that once i started eating again it would get easier but its not it staying the same ( its not a bad as be for but it has been better) i find my self wanting to cry because i dont like the way i look or the fact that all my clothes are to big  i want to be my self again and im scared that if i dont get this under control im going to slip into depression i dont know what to do...........

day 8-12

its been a couple days since iver blogged! Ive been super busy!! I've been doing a little better with eating but thats all i can pray for! im just taking it day by day! I have a app tomorrow with mydr but i have not made up my mind if im going to go or not! i really dont feel like i need to i feel like she isnt helping me anymore! i think that the Book has helped me more then anything! i kind of feel like she is just looking for somthing that is not there!

Im kind of upset that im not really gaining any weight and i dont understand why because ive been eating alot more then i was a month or 2 ago but just not gaining weight =/



Pleasure: spending the day with my family Pray:i pray that i can gain some weight Love: I love my family

Day 7

I had a pretty bad day yesterday with is why i am writing this a day late!! ... I did eat by my self but it took alot and there was some freaking out after but i made it!! I dont understand how i took 3 steps forward and 4 steps back i just keep forcing my self to eat and a couple of days ago it didnt really take much but now it is!! i wish i understand! i wish i could wake up one morning and never worry about eating again and I honestly thought i was getting over it,  and then there is everything going on with my mom! and its like once i start worrying about EVERYTHING and anything... and  i dont know how much i can take of it

Pleasure:
Pray:i pray that god helps me get stronger
Love: I love my family 


 

Day.6

well Ive had better days but ive also had worse days its been a very blah kind of day ! dont really have the energy i was having the last couple of days

I went to my shrink today and after talking to her I don't think i need to go back i mean ive made all the progress after only talking to her once 2 weeks ago and she didn't even tell me to do anything but read the book ( witch i did) and Ive been doing really good the last couple of days! But she gave me a exercise to do every day about called a daily mood log where is some thing upsets up I'm supposed to write down how it makes me feels and then turn it into a positive!! but i really dont understand how that is supposed to help with my fear of having a allerigc reaction or being drugged!! but ill try it and probably go back next week and see what she says!!!

I did eat lunch today by my self i got a little nervous but i made myself do it... so i guess that was ok! just wish i didnt get nervous at all!! but i guess thats how it goes right?!?!?




Pleasure: hanging out with rhonda
Pray:i pray that god helps me get stronger
Love: I love my family

Day.5

Well things are really starting to look up! I have a the best couple of days i cant remember the last time i felt this good!! i have so much energy i dont know what to do with it!!  I'm hoping that i can keep this up i love not worrying about every little thing!! ( even tho some times i catch myself freaking out a little) and i still want to watch the clock when i eat  but i know that I can and are getting better! I went to a cook out next door had a cheese burger, mac n cheese and baked beans that i DID NOT cook!!  witch if you really know me you know that is a huge step for me!!!!




Pleasure: Today I felt like the person i was 8 months ago
Pray:i pray that i gain keep gaining weight!
Love: I love watching my kids play out side with their best friend Christopher, and love being able to eat!!!

Day.4

Today was another good day! got up this morning and ate some beagles and cream cheese and one of them tasted a little funny so i got a little scared and didnt eat the the rest of it.... then I went to church and joined a ladies bible study group witch im very exited about that and i cant wait for it to start!!! had some pop tarts and milk for lunch lol  I went a filed out some job apps. i think that if im able to get out of the house and keep my mind busy it will help alot  i thnk i got the one at the gas satation even tho i really want to get the job at either chilis or b dubs lol i think they would be more fun!!! and then i had my weakness for dinner wend'y jr baccon cheese burgers for dinner ( for the 3rd night in a row)  Im so excited about the progress I have made I have high hope that things will keep looking up

&& then i got to have a hour conversation with the strongest person  i know she has helped me more through this then i think she even realizes!! she has helped me with my anxiety, and learning about who my TRUE friends are!! 



Pleasure: Today i started reading EAT PRAY LOVE
Pray:i pray that i will keep getting better
Love:  i love the fact that i have such a strong support system that is wanting me to get over this!!
 

day.3

well im a day late but yesterday was a pretty good day! I've been reading my book at I think i know where my anxiety is coming from! the book says that it normaly comes from a completly different problem that your not dealing with! But know i Dont know what to do about it!

ok im not trying to  be mean I'm really glad that my blog is helping others with their anxiety but if you have food allergies or any kind of anxiety or anything like that PLEASE do not coming looking for help from me I am not a Dr. and right now I have to get myself better I can not worry about other peoples problems I think its a great thing to be able to talk about your problems but im not the person to talk to  Because It makes me nervous and i start thinking.... well that could happened to me!!!

Pleasure: the kids got to play out side with Chris

Pray: Today I prayed that tomorrow is another good day.
Love: Today I love the fact that for the most part i ate with out a problem